海军上将’s 普通话 联合国-Learning School
我订阅 智慧上海‘的电子邮件通讯，更多是因为我试图参加这个城市的所有最新活动，而更多是因为撰写该内容的人，“Da Admiral,”真是好笑
>每当我’我停在大街上，我得到的比什么都重要，“Oh Admiral, Admiral… you’re so knowledgeable and good looking and 在 sightful about 上海 life and society — I bet you speak perfect 普通话!”
> My friends, I’ll let you 在 on a little secret:
> The opposite couldn’t be more true! I don’t speak Chinese for shit!
> And then it occurred to me… Why don’t I take my eight-years-plus experience 在 not speaking Chinese and share it with others? For money?
> So I’m opening a 普通话 联合国-Learning School.
> As a sort of compliment to “Mandarin Garden” or whatever it is, I’m calling it “Da Admiral’s 普通话 Post-Apocalyptic Wasteland” and we’re accepting students at all skill levels, whether you want us to rip perfect fluency 在 Chinese from your brain, or even if you’re looking for something a little more part-time –maybe you’d just like to reduce your vocab a bit and un-learn a few key Chinese phrases — we can help.
> Here’s the pitch:
> “Through the sweat off his brow and sheer determination, 海军上将 has maintained a near perfect and unassailable wall of 在 communicability with 99% of Chinese society. Dude is still pointing at shit on the menus like a nutsack who just got off the plane, like, yesterday.
> And now he’s willing to share his secrets with you.
> For a small enrolment fee, you’ll have access to our proven tools of whittling down knowledge of Chinese to basically nil. Whether you want to take a special, personal, one-on-one, 24 hour 在 tensive course — basically this 在 volves about seven pounds of weed and the Complete Filmography of Nicolas Cage — or are looking to un-learn Chinese 在 a group setting with our special “Dog Bloopers and Various Shit on the Internet” group classes, we’ll have you not speaking Chinese 在 no time.”
> Are you a 普通话 un-learner on the go? 订阅 to our special 联合国-ChinesePod, which is basically just me screaming nonsensical phrases 在 made-up French to you, 在 termixed with the latest news on the Batman sequel. Mind-numbing stuff. Just try to retain knowledge after a few of these.
> What I’m saying here is nothing about my time 在 上海 has been more rewarding — more spiritually fulfilling — than not learning Chinese, and I feel it’s a duty at this point to share my non-knowledge with others for money.
> I’m an educator at heart. I care about my students. They’re like my family for money. And when we’re 在 cabs together and I see them struggling with that last — “Zho-gw-ai” or “Yoh-gw-ai” or “Ting” or whatever the fuck it is, I don’t know, you know what I mean — I feel like my job is done.
> My job is done… and a tear comes to my eye.